When Relationships Break Down
Matthew 18:15-17 - “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses. ’ If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector" (NIV).
2 Corinthians 5:18 - "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation" (NIV).
Colossians 1:19-20 - "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross" (NIV).
We all have experienced relational break-downs. From small misunderstandings to major break-ups, we have our share of stories to tell. Since we have all sinned, we have all contributed to the breakdown of relationship in some way. Adam and Eve's first sin opened the door to sinning against relationship with God and each other. So, we have not only been sinned against relationally, but we have also sinned against others, including God.
When relationships break down, what do we do? If we follow the ways of the world, we would be prone to gossip, ignore or lash out in anger. The highest value the world can offer in relational conflict is toleration. But, God gives us a better way. He says, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you" (Matt. 18:15 NIV). When relationships break down, we are tempted to talk about the breakdown with everyone but the person with whom we have problem. Jesus says the right way to handle the conflict is directly with the person. And if the person does not want to talk with you, God gives the pathway to resolving the conflict in the following verses of Matthew 18.
Sometimes, we have a sense that someone has a problem with us. The best solution is to approach that person with love and ask the question. Jesus says, "…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23-24 NIV). There is urgency in the heart of Jesus to make sure that we are reconciled to those around us. He also says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord" (Heb. 12:14 NIV). If this effort is not in place, it is very easy for bitterness to grow up in our lives affecting all of our relationships (Heb. 12:15).
In the process of restoring broken relationships, it is important to offer and receive forgiveness. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. Some of the most powerful words in a relationship are: "Please forgive me." When we hold these words back, coldness sets into our relationships. In the same way, forgiveness is not optional. Jesus says, "…if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matt. 6:15 NIV). The basis of our extending of forgiveness is Jesus' mercy on our lives. He perseveres in forgiving us. How can we not do the same for those who have wronged us?
The use of anger is something that quickly breaks down relationships. Anger is all about control. It attempts to force someone to change through our mood or harsh communication. Ephesians 4:31 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (NIV). "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God requires" (James 1:20 NIV). Moments of anger in relationships can bring damage that lasts for a lifetime. It is an area that we cannot give room for in our lives.
God is into the reconciliation of broken relationships. That is why the Father sent His Son, Jesus, to earth. He went far out of His way, sacrificing much, to restore our relationship with Himself. We should take on the same heart as we pursue peace with others. "Be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 5:1 NIV).
For More Study
Thoughts and Questions for Application
Memorization
Matthew 18:15 - “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you" (NIV).
2 Corinthians 5:18 - "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation" (NIV).
Colossians 1:19-20 - "For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross" (NIV).
We all have experienced relational break-downs. From small misunderstandings to major break-ups, we have our share of stories to tell. Since we have all sinned, we have all contributed to the breakdown of relationship in some way. Adam and Eve's first sin opened the door to sinning against relationship with God and each other. So, we have not only been sinned against relationally, but we have also sinned against others, including God.
When relationships break down, what do we do? If we follow the ways of the world, we would be prone to gossip, ignore or lash out in anger. The highest value the world can offer in relational conflict is toleration. But, God gives us a better way. He says, "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you" (Matt. 18:15 NIV). When relationships break down, we are tempted to talk about the breakdown with everyone but the person with whom we have problem. Jesus says the right way to handle the conflict is directly with the person. And if the person does not want to talk with you, God gives the pathway to resolving the conflict in the following verses of Matthew 18.
Sometimes, we have a sense that someone has a problem with us. The best solution is to approach that person with love and ask the question. Jesus says, "…if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift" (Matt. 5:23-24 NIV). There is urgency in the heart of Jesus to make sure that we are reconciled to those around us. He also says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord" (Heb. 12:14 NIV). If this effort is not in place, it is very easy for bitterness to grow up in our lives affecting all of our relationships (Heb. 12:15).
In the process of restoring broken relationships, it is important to offer and receive forgiveness. This is one of the greatest gifts we can give each other. Some of the most powerful words in a relationship are: "Please forgive me." When we hold these words back, coldness sets into our relationships. In the same way, forgiveness is not optional. Jesus says, "…if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matt. 6:15 NIV). The basis of our extending of forgiveness is Jesus' mercy on our lives. He perseveres in forgiving us. How can we not do the same for those who have wronged us?
The use of anger is something that quickly breaks down relationships. Anger is all about control. It attempts to force someone to change through our mood or harsh communication. Ephesians 4:31 says, "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice" (NIV). "For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God requires" (James 1:20 NIV). Moments of anger in relationships can bring damage that lasts for a lifetime. It is an area that we cannot give room for in our lives.
God is into the reconciliation of broken relationships. That is why the Father sent His Son, Jesus, to earth. He went far out of His way, sacrificing much, to restore our relationship with Himself. We should take on the same heart as we pursue peace with others. "Be imitators of God as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Eph. 5:1 NIV).
For More Study
- Exodus 32:19; Numbers 20:1-13
- Matthew 18:15-35
- Ephesians 4:17-32
- 2 Peter 1:3-11
Thoughts and Questions for Application
- When is the last time you asked someone, "Will you please forgive me?" Do these words come off your tongue fairly easily?
- Do you need to extend forgiveness to anyone? Perhaps you have forgiven that person a long time ago, but now you are still holding onto bitterness. Ask God to show you if there are any current areas of unforgiveness in your life.
- Are you quick to follow God's pathway for relationship reconciliation in Matthew 18? Do you struggle with gossiping about a person rather than going to them when a wrong has been done? Take time to repent in this area, if needed. Make a commitment to follow God's path for reconciliation.
Memorization
Matthew 18:15 - “If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you" (NIV).
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