Whether you are planning on getting married or have been married for a long time, you will find the following Bible studies, questions and discussion points valuable. Find God's best for you and your spouse as you read and discuss his ways for your marriage. Click on the following tabs for more. Slide tabs across to see all categories.
Building Strong Foundations in Your Marriage
Why do cracks begin appearing in a marriage? Faulty foundations. Whether it's time to lay new foundations or strengthen old ones, let's take a look at God's foundation for a healthy marriage.
READ (click on passage below)
Matthew 19:4-6
DISCUSS
1) When was the institution of marriage created?
2) When you are married, how does God see you?
3) Does God ever want you to separate or divorce?
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 5:21-33
DISCUSS
1) What should be the foundation of your marriage relationship? See Ephesians 5:21.
2) In light of this, what is the wife's role?
3) What is the husband's role? Who is the model for the husband?
FURTHER DISCUSSION
How are you at submitting to your partner? Do you ever find yourselves fighting for control? In what areas?
PRAY
Take time to speak out your commitment to submit to God and each other. Ask for God's help to fulfill your roles in your marriage.
READ (click on passage below)
Matthew 19:4-6
DISCUSS
1) When was the institution of marriage created?
2) When you are married, how does God see you?
3) Does God ever want you to separate or divorce?
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 5:21-33
DISCUSS
1) What should be the foundation of your marriage relationship? See Ephesians 5:21.
2) In light of this, what is the wife's role?
3) What is the husband's role? Who is the model for the husband?
FURTHER DISCUSSION
How are you at submitting to your partner? Do you ever find yourselves fighting for control? In what areas?
PRAY
Take time to speak out your commitment to submit to God and each other. Ask for God's help to fulfill your roles in your marriage.
Your History
Your family story will impact your marriage. It's important to discuss your childhood and home life with each other. In your marriage you will play out the ways of the family life that you have always known. Good ways and bad ways. God wants to create a new family with you and your spouse. But, do you recognize where you come from?
Talk about your childhood and family life in the following categories...
PARENTS (click here for discussion points)
CONFLICT (click here for discussion points)
SPIRITUAL LIFE (click here for discussion points)
FAMILY FUN (click here for discussion points)
FINANCES (click here for discussion points)
PRAY
After discussing your family stories, talk about potential weaknesses or challenges that you might bring into your marriage. Commit before God to stay open and help each other grow in these areas.
Talk about your childhood and family life in the following categories...
PARENTS (click here for discussion points)
CONFLICT (click here for discussion points)
SPIRITUAL LIFE (click here for discussion points)
FAMILY FUN (click here for discussion points)
FINANCES (click here for discussion points)
PRAY
After discussing your family stories, talk about potential weaknesses or challenges that you might bring into your marriage. Commit before God to stay open and help each other grow in these areas.
Communication
Relationship is built on communication. Love is kindled and fanned into flame with godly communication. On the flip side, marriages are ripped apart through silence and unkind words. Take some time to read through the Scriptures and discuss communication in your marriage.
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:15
DISCUSS
What does it mean to speak the "truth in love."
Does this kind of communication happen in your relationship? Where can you grow?
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:26-27
DISCUSS
How have you handled anger in your relationship?
Pause for a moment. Make a commitment to each other before God that you will never go to bed without dealing with your anger or any conflict between the two of you.
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:29-32
DISCUSS
As you read the passage together, discuss your relationship in light of these words.
The 5 most important words in a marriage are "Will you please forgive me?" How often do you say this in your relationship? Start practicing.
AN IDEA
Go out once a month for a date and a specific meeting about your relationship. Arrange a time and place outside the home that you both are excited about. In your "meeting," take time to affirm each other. Then, allow each person to talk about how he/she feels things are going in areas of: serving, romance, finances, work/family balance, etc. Share openly and listen carefully. Commit to each other to work on areas that have been brought up in your meeting. This expected and dedicated time for open sharing will minimize the explosions of pent-up emotions that can commonly occur.
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:15
DISCUSS
What does it mean to speak the "truth in love."
Does this kind of communication happen in your relationship? Where can you grow?
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:26-27
DISCUSS
How have you handled anger in your relationship?
Pause for a moment. Make a commitment to each other before God that you will never go to bed without dealing with your anger or any conflict between the two of you.
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 4:29-32
DISCUSS
As you read the passage together, discuss your relationship in light of these words.
The 5 most important words in a marriage are "Will you please forgive me?" How often do you say this in your relationship? Start practicing.
AN IDEA
Go out once a month for a date and a specific meeting about your relationship. Arrange a time and place outside the home that you both are excited about. In your "meeting," take time to affirm each other. Then, allow each person to talk about how he/she feels things are going in areas of: serving, romance, finances, work/family balance, etc. Share openly and listen carefully. Commit to each other to work on areas that have been brought up in your meeting. This expected and dedicated time for open sharing will minimize the explosions of pent-up emotions that can commonly occur.
Commitment
A solid, persevering marriage will be on built on commitment. So many marriages fail, because they are built only on feelings of affection, physical attraction or common interests. God makes and keeps promises. He wants us to be promise keepers in our marriages.
Read and discuss the following commitments. (click on buttons below)
Read and discuss the following commitments. (click on buttons below)
After reading and discussing the commitments above, take time to speak out your commitments to one another and to God.
Romance
God made your body, mind, soul and spirit. He made you to be attracted to another person. Physical attraction is a good and godly thing. Expression of this attraction through sex within marriage is wonderful and God-ordained. But, do not think that sex is the only expression of physical love. Marriages that thrive have a rich, well-rounded romantic relationship embedded within.
Romance needs to be cultivated within a marriage. This does not simply mean candlelit dinners with soft music in the background. Romance draws out physical desire for one another through intentional times of talking and listening, through small moments of physical affection, and through affirming the beauty in the other person. Will you be a person who sees and comments on the beauty in your spouse regularly?
READ (click on passage below)
Song of Songs 2:8-10
DISCUSS
What can you do to attract your spouse to you? He or she is worth it.
READ (click on passage below)
Song of Songs 2:14-15
DISCUSS
What are the "little foxes" that could potentially ruin your romantic relationship? Busyness, tiredness, distractions, etc.?
Make a commitment to romance your spouse with kindness and sensitivity, and with surprises and physical affection. Romance will keep the fire burning within your marriage.
Romance needs to be cultivated within a marriage. This does not simply mean candlelit dinners with soft music in the background. Romance draws out physical desire for one another through intentional times of talking and listening, through small moments of physical affection, and through affirming the beauty in the other person. Will you be a person who sees and comments on the beauty in your spouse regularly?
READ (click on passage below)
Song of Songs 2:8-10
DISCUSS
What can you do to attract your spouse to you? He or she is worth it.
READ (click on passage below)
Song of Songs 2:14-15
DISCUSS
What are the "little foxes" that could potentially ruin your romantic relationship? Busyness, tiredness, distractions, etc.?
Make a commitment to romance your spouse with kindness and sensitivity, and with surprises and physical affection. Romance will keep the fire burning within your marriage.
Spiritual Growth
You will only be able to love your spouse with a pure, undying love, if you love Jesus that way. Your love relationship with God has a direct impact on your relationship with your spouse. If you are not filled up with His love, you will have nothing to give.
Do not try to feed off of your spouse's relationship with God. You need your own. Your personal commitment to Bible study, prayer, worship and consistent quiet times will directly bless your family. Remember, the love between a man and a woman, though fervent and strong, can never match the love between the Father and his child.
READ (click on passage below)
Ephesians 3:17-19
DISCUSS
Explain the kind of love relationship that God wants with you.
READ (click on passage below)
Psalm 128:1-4
DISCUSS
What will be the impact of your relationship with God on your family?
COMMIT
How will you be committed to filling your home with God's Word, with worship and prayer? Make a plan together.
Matthew 19:4-6 NIV - Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’ ? So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Ephesians 5:21-33 NIV - Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church– for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery–but I am talking about Christ and the church.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
- How did your parents relate with each other? Was it obvious that they loved each other? How did they show it?
- Did your parents fight? Was it resolved through forgiveness?
- How close were you to your parents? Did you connect with one parent better than the other?
- How was conflict resolved in your home?
- Were the words, "Please forgive me" often spoken in your home?
- How did you handle conflict between yourself and parents / siblings?
- What would you want to do differently or the same in your marriage?
- Was prayer, Bible reading and talk about God a regular part of your home?
- Which parent often led your home in focusing on God (in prayer, Bible study, etc.)?
- What would you want to do differently or the same in your marriage?
- What did you do for fun as a family?
- Talk about family vacations / holidays. Best and worst experiences?
- What would you do differently or the same in your marriage?
- Were finances often talked about in the home?
- How did your parents relate to finances? Fear, confidence, stingy, generous, anxious, disorganized, organized?
- What is your personal history with finances? Lots of savings or debt? Organized or disorganized?
Ephesians 4:15 NIV - Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.
Ephesians 4:26-27 NIV - In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:29-32 NIV - Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Make a commitment to each other never to separate or divorce. It's also important that you stay committed never to use language with each other indicating separation or divorce. Safety in marriage comes when this commitment is made and followed through on.
Matthew 19:6 - So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Matthew 19:6 - So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.
Make a commitment to pray with each other and for each other. As the lead servant, husbands, be sure to initiate this in your marriage. Pray over your wife. Lead out in prayer times with your wife. In the same way, wives intercede for your husbands. They need your prayers.
If this commitment is not made and followed through on, you will be leaving the gates of your home open for the enemy to come in and harass you. Close the gates through prayer.
Ephesians 6:18 - And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
1 Timothy 2:8 - I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.
If this commitment is not made and followed through on, you will be leaving the gates of your home open for the enemy to come in and harass you. Close the gates through prayer.
Ephesians 6:18 - And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
1 Timothy 2:8 - I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing.
You are marrying your best friend. It can be easy to forget this when the pressures of work, children and finances begin to push in on you. Make a commitment to build this friendship and not take each other for granted.
Here are some ideas for growing your friendship in marriage.
Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Here are some ideas for growing your friendship in marriage.
- Keep dating when you are married. It doesn't have to cost a lot, but it does take intentionality. Go for a dinner, a walk, a movie, some coffee...
- Don't only talk about work, church or ministry at home. Remember - you are more than workmates.
- Be spontaneous. Surprise each other with gifts, special outings or secret notes. Love is not science. It is beauty... the beauty of sacrifice. You might need to sacrifice your schedule to be spontaneous.
Proverbs 17:17 - A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.
Your marriage will grow through communication. You must be committed to keep sharing your feelings, to talk about your fears or confusion. The commitment to talk is a commitment to stay vulnerable. Likewise, you must be committed to listen. Dominating your spouse with your opinions will only tear down the marriage.
Don't just agree to disagree. Make an agreement always to love. In other words, remember that your commitment to be soft toward one another and hold each other with great honor is much more important than winning the debate.
Read the following passage as you think about communication with your spouse.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Don't just agree to disagree. Make an agreement always to love. In other words, remember that your commitment to be soft toward one another and hold each other with great honor is much more important than winning the debate.
Read the following passage as you think about communication with your spouse.
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 - Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
When you live with someone, it can be easy to fall into routines. Patterns get established regarding household chores and other daily tasks. These routines are not wrong, but they can sometimes get in the way of real service. Make a commitment never to keep score (i.e. I did the dishes, so you must sweep the floor). Remember, you are really serving Jesus after all. Thank him that he never keeps score with you.
Marriage thrives on a mutual commitment to serve the other person. Serving means laying down your rights for comfort and convenience in order the bless the other person. Serve like Jesus.
John 13:14-15 - Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
Colossians 3:23-24 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
Marriage thrives on a mutual commitment to serve the other person. Serving means laying down your rights for comfort and convenience in order the bless the other person. Serve like Jesus.
John 13:14-15 - Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.
Colossians 3:23-24 - Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.
You know your spouse like no one else. You will have seen that person in all lights. After a while, it can be easy to focus on the negative or annoying aspects of your spouse. Some people accumulate a lot of ammunition to throw at the other person.
Make a commitment not to hold grudges. But, more than that, make a commitment to celebrate your spouse. Be their biggest cheerleader. Affirm them in their strengths. Give them room to run in their areas of giftings. Commit to speak positively about them in their presence and behind their backs. Always be loyal.
1 Corinthians 13:7-8 - [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Make a commitment not to hold grudges. But, more than that, make a commitment to celebrate your spouse. Be their biggest cheerleader. Affirm them in their strengths. Give them room to run in their areas of giftings. Commit to speak positively about them in their presence and behind their backs. Always be loyal.
1 Corinthians 13:7-8 - [Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Song of Songs 2:8-10 - Listen! My lover! Look! Here he comes, leaping across the mountains, bounding over the hills. My lover is like a gazelle or a young stag. Look! There he stands behind our wall, gazing through the windows, peering through the lattice. My lover spoke and said to me, “Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come with me."
Song of Songs 2:14-15 - My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely. Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.
Ephesians 3:17-19 - And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Psalm 128:1-4 - Blessed are all who fear the Lord, who walk in his ways. You will eat the fruit of your labor; blessings and prosperity will be yours. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table.
Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord.
Thus is the man blessed who fears the Lord.