Men & Relationships
Philippians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things" (NIV).
1 Timothy 5:1-2 - "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:1-2 - "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:25-28 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (NIV).
In Genesis 3, Adam revealed the often repeated sin of men… standing by silently as the enemy infiltrates the home. In Jesus, men can reverse this sin of passivity and become men who serve and protect those around them. Men, here are some principles of relating with women. Learn to relate with all women as your Father in heaven does. Live as a man of God and as a godly husband, whether you are married or not.
Treat women with respect. Do not treat them as "the weaker sex".... someone to toy with or dominate. Dominating can come in the form of flirting, over-the-top joking, unwanted touching, and lusting. Treat all women as you would treat your mother (or another well-respected woman). Don't ignore the women around you. That can be equally offensive. Treat ALL women with respect -- not just the ones that you like. How would Jesus treat them?
Treat women with purity. Determine not to gaze at a woman's body. Look at her in the eyes (if that's appropriate culturally). Only look at her from the neck up. Train yourself in this. Avert your eyes quickly from sensual billboards, magazines and loose women walking around the city. Don't just live with lustful thoughts swirling about your head. Deal with them! Rebuke the enemy and begin thanking Jesus for other things -- not related to women. Stay away from places, shops, video stores, internet sites, etc. that you know are compromising. Before you can lead a woman and a family, you need to learn to lead yourself. When thinking of a future girlfriend or wife, stop thinking about all of the physical attributes that she should have.... stop thinking of women as sexual beings. Sex is a great thing in the context of marriage. But, it has its place. If you continue to think lustfully, you are choosing to abuse women and dominate them with your thoughts. That comes out of insecurity. Jesus is your security. Read Phil. 4:8-9.
Serve women. This is what Jesus does. He leads through serving. Men are called to servant leadership. Leading does not mean domineering or controlling people to go your way. Leading is an anointing and a grace given by God to serve first. So, be the man who gets the chairs for the women, who gives up his place for the woman, who opens the doors for women, who is the protector of women, who says "please forgive me" first, who says "can I pray for you" first. A man doesn't wait to be served by the woman. He leads the way through service.
When courting a woman... First, be sure that you pray and have God's direction to court her. Don't play the field. Be purposeful and intentional in who you are pursuing. If you don't see marriage potential, then don't even start a special relationship. When you are in a special relationship, be the first to initiate conversations about the state of your relationship. Ask the awkward questions regarding how you both feel about each other. Serve her by stepping into that gap. When dating a woman, you should be the one protecting your physical relationship. Too often, the man is trying to push the boundaries, and the woman is saying, "No, No....". Take leadership by talking and praying over physical boundaries with her and then STICK TO IT. When dating women, serve and protect her by not giving your heart away or letting her give her heart away too soon. Don't allow yourselves to speak out "I love you..... when we get married...... etc." too soon. Don't pre-empt God because of your emotions. Listen to God and ask him how to move into deeper levels of your relationship. He will use you to lead the way - to ask the awkward questions first, to ask forgiveness first, to be open-handed first, and to serve first.
When married... You are called to follow the model of Jesus Christ who "loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25). Keep your eyes focused on your own role, not that of your wife. In other words, practice loving her by serving her in practical ways. Say "no" to your own selfishness and attempts to even the score. Serve without wondering if/when you will be served. You are called to notice her needs - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. This is a tall order which can only be done by the power of the Holy Spirit. So, much prayer is needed. Be your wife's protector in the place of prayer. Guard the gates of your relationship and home through intercession.
For More Study
Thoughts and Questions for Application
Memorization
Ephesians 5:1-2 - "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (NIV).
1 Timothy 5:1-2 - "Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father. Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:1-2 - "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:4 - "Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving" (NIV).
Ephesians 5:25-28 - "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself" (NIV).
In Genesis 3, Adam revealed the often repeated sin of men… standing by silently as the enemy infiltrates the home. In Jesus, men can reverse this sin of passivity and become men who serve and protect those around them. Men, here are some principles of relating with women. Learn to relate with all women as your Father in heaven does. Live as a man of God and as a godly husband, whether you are married or not.
Treat women with respect. Do not treat them as "the weaker sex".... someone to toy with or dominate. Dominating can come in the form of flirting, over-the-top joking, unwanted touching, and lusting. Treat all women as you would treat your mother (or another well-respected woman). Don't ignore the women around you. That can be equally offensive. Treat ALL women with respect -- not just the ones that you like. How would Jesus treat them?
Treat women with purity. Determine not to gaze at a woman's body. Look at her in the eyes (if that's appropriate culturally). Only look at her from the neck up. Train yourself in this. Avert your eyes quickly from sensual billboards, magazines and loose women walking around the city. Don't just live with lustful thoughts swirling about your head. Deal with them! Rebuke the enemy and begin thanking Jesus for other things -- not related to women. Stay away from places, shops, video stores, internet sites, etc. that you know are compromising. Before you can lead a woman and a family, you need to learn to lead yourself. When thinking of a future girlfriend or wife, stop thinking about all of the physical attributes that she should have.... stop thinking of women as sexual beings. Sex is a great thing in the context of marriage. But, it has its place. If you continue to think lustfully, you are choosing to abuse women and dominate them with your thoughts. That comes out of insecurity. Jesus is your security. Read Phil. 4:8-9.
Serve women. This is what Jesus does. He leads through serving. Men are called to servant leadership. Leading does not mean domineering or controlling people to go your way. Leading is an anointing and a grace given by God to serve first. So, be the man who gets the chairs for the women, who gives up his place for the woman, who opens the doors for women, who is the protector of women, who says "please forgive me" first, who says "can I pray for you" first. A man doesn't wait to be served by the woman. He leads the way through service.
When courting a woman... First, be sure that you pray and have God's direction to court her. Don't play the field. Be purposeful and intentional in who you are pursuing. If you don't see marriage potential, then don't even start a special relationship. When you are in a special relationship, be the first to initiate conversations about the state of your relationship. Ask the awkward questions regarding how you both feel about each other. Serve her by stepping into that gap. When dating a woman, you should be the one protecting your physical relationship. Too often, the man is trying to push the boundaries, and the woman is saying, "No, No....". Take leadership by talking and praying over physical boundaries with her and then STICK TO IT. When dating women, serve and protect her by not giving your heart away or letting her give her heart away too soon. Don't allow yourselves to speak out "I love you..... when we get married...... etc." too soon. Don't pre-empt God because of your emotions. Listen to God and ask him how to move into deeper levels of your relationship. He will use you to lead the way - to ask the awkward questions first, to ask forgiveness first, to be open-handed first, and to serve first.
When married... You are called to follow the model of Jesus Christ who "loved the church and gave himself up for her" (Eph. 5:25). Keep your eyes focused on your own role, not that of your wife. In other words, practice loving her by serving her in practical ways. Say "no" to your own selfishness and attempts to even the score. Serve without wondering if/when you will be served. You are called to notice her needs - physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. This is a tall order which can only be done by the power of the Holy Spirit. So, much prayer is needed. Be your wife's protector in the place of prayer. Guard the gates of your relationship and home through intercession.
For More Study
- Genesis 39:1-12
- Proverbs 4-5
- Ephesians 5:25-33
- 1 Timothy 2-3
Thoughts and Questions for Application
- How did your dad treat your mom as you grew up? How were God's ways of treating women modelled to you?
- Is there a difference between how you treat women in your mind versus how you treat them relationally? Do you struggle with lust, second glances at women or treating them as objects? As the Holy Spirit would convict you, take time to ask for forgiveness and make a deliberate choice to turn from lustful thoughts. Be ruthless in your determination to run from immorality (like Joseph did in Genesis 39). Get rid of all images, videos, internet sites or magazines that would be a source of lust and sensuality.
- What can you do today to serve women? How can you honor them as God's precious creation?
Memorization
Ephesians 5:1-2 - "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (NIV).
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